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This business coaching episode explains how to build rapport during a contract negotiation.

Results-Focused Training, Tools, and Workshops from Expert Business Coaches.

Featured Coaching Excerpt - Notes & Transcript, Part 1
  • Steps For Effective Contract Negotiation:: 12. Build Rapport
  • Definition Magician: : Rapport - A friendly relationship
  • Notable Quotable:: “When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion.” - Dale Carnegie (Bestselling author of How To Win Friends and Influence People)
  • Notable Quotable:: “A negotiation is “a courtship, a dance,” says Michael Wheeler, a professor at Harvard Business School and author of The Art of Negotiation.
  • Lesson Nugget:: People love to talk about themselves. When building rapport, let them talk at least 70% of the time.

-So we're moving through the different steps of effective contract negotiations, OK? Effective contract negotiations. Step number 12, build rapport.

-That's not "rapport." It's building rapport. We're not building the "rapport." "Rapport's" not actually a thing. We're building rapport. Rapport. Now, here's the thing about building rapport. It's super duper important that you understand this. This is actually where we're transitioning now from the preparation, all the stuff we were talking about here, guys-- this has all been preparation.

This is all the stuff that happens pre-negotiation. We're trying to get you aware of all these moves. But now we're not doing prep anymore, we're actually into the actual we're doing it. This is actually the negotiation process, OK? We're actually negotiating right now. So what you have to do is you have to build rapport. Rapport means that people like you, OK?

So we're going to kind of put up these rules on the screen so you get this, but I'm going to read this notable quotable to you, OK? Notable quotable from my main man, Dale Carnegie. He says, when dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion. What does that mean? What he's talking about is that you-- the person you're negotiating with, if you do it right, you want to try to get them to legitimately like you.

Because if they do like you, then they're going to work with you a little bit more. If they don't legitimately like you, it's like it becomes a personal adversarial sort of situation. Now, the next thing is there's a quote here I want to read to you here. It says a negotiation is a courtship, a dance. That's Michael Wheeler. He's at the Harvard Business School.

What he's talking about is it's a dance. Working together, here. We're not having, like, a punch out. It's kind of a dance. It's kind of a romance. We're kind of working together. That's the idea. That's how it should be. It's not a situation where you're adversarial, you're fighting. It should be more of a dance. Now, some other thoughts to think about.

When you're building rapport, you want to practice the 70-30 rule. The 70-30 rule means that when you're negotiating, the other person-- you can kind of view it as a combination here, OK? The first step is rapport. You have to get the other person talking 70% of the time. This is like a combination block. The combination is rapport, needs, benefits, close.

That is the combination to this lock, and it's a padlock. If it's a padlock and you don't know the combination, good luck opening the padlock. But if you know the combination, and you can just put in the code, RNBC, it's easy to open it. When you're doing negotiation, if you don't have any rapport and the person sincerely doesn't like or trust you, then you can't move on to the next step, which is finding their needs.

You really, really want to build rapport. And people's favorite topic is themselves, so you want them to talk 70% of the time. You want to get them to genuinely like you. And how do you do that? People's favorite topic, again, is themselves. If you get a group photo, you get a photo of your group, guess who-- think about the last Christmas photo you had taken. What do you do?

You have a photo of you and 50 people, what do you do? You look for the picture of yourself. When was the last time you saw yourself? Probably in the mirror this morning. But yet we want to go, oh, look at the photo! There I am! Look, that's where I am. And when you're building rapport with somebody, their favorite topic is themselves. So go ahead and ask them, so tell me about your business.

Tell me, how did you hear about me? How familiar are you with me? I'm curious. What is it that you like to do the most? How was your weekend? You want to get them to talk about themselves, because that is their favorite topic. Rapport.

-Rapport. So building rapport.

-Yep.

-OK.

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