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This business coaching lesson focuses on developing a success mindset.

Results-Focused Training, Tools, and Workshops from Expert Business Coaches.

Featured Coaching Excerpt - Notes & Transcript, Part 1
  • Ask Yourself: How do I nurture the relationships that I have in my life?
  • Lesson Nugget: Nurturing relationships is about taking the time to value others as you do yourself; be responsive to that person, put in the time, and make it real.
  • Word of the Day: Terse - Sparing in the use of words; abrupt.
  • Napoleon Hill - One of the earliest producers of the modern genre of personal-success literature.

[MUSIC PLAYING] learn business like learning udacity, find lynda.com alternative

-Now, the next key on this lynda.com alternative website , though-- kind of the bridge from point A to point B-- or on the puzzle analogy, from puzzle piece one to puzzle piece two-- sort of that kind of bridging the gap there-- is you need to establish solid relationships.

-Definitely-- absolutely.

-And I know this is what I did-- and I'm sure you never did this-- but I remember in college, I had that look on my face like this-- like I was angry about something--

-Aagh!

-And people don't want to talk to someone like that when they have that scowl, that--

-Aagh!

-I looked angry. And then I would meet people, and I'd have like usury relationships. So I would meet somebody who would do something nice for me, and I would usually say thank you. But that was it. So somebody would offer me an internship, or somebody would extend a handshake to me, or just say, hey, my name's such and such. Pleasure to meet you.

And then, I didn't know how to develop and nurture those relationships. I just didn't know how to do it. How do you go about developing and-- I mean, if you've never done it before, how do you establish solid relationships?

-Here's the key word you said. I listened very closely-- the key word is how do you nurture those relationships? And built into the concept of nurturing is caring, is being willing to put the time in, is being willing to value another person as you value yourself, getting to know that person and being responsive to that person as you would want them to be responsive to you.

It's really creating the dynamic of relationships-- not just talking about it but taking it out of the conceptual mode and making it real. It's like you say, realizing that I have the onus on me to help make you have a great life. Let's shake hands. I want you to have a great day. I want you to have a great day-- hopefully, you what me to have a great day. Now if you've got two people wanting each other to have a great day, you've already set up a dynamic possibility of good relationship and good outcomes.

-There was a lady who met you-- and Deedra wouldn't mind me sharing this. And I'm going to because she's a Thrive mentor. But she told me when she met you, she just felt this sincerity like you wanted her to be successful, like there was just this sincerity.

Now I know we all come from somewhere. There's a certain point where you had to learn these skills. But you do that. When you tell me have a good day, it never feels like have a good day! Or it doesn't feel like you're just saying it to say it. We're in a culture where you say, what's up? And you don't really care what the other person says, or you just say, see you later!

-You know, today I was on the phone with someone in New York, and it was just a very terse, brief conversation. And I'm a Southerner. I don't really know how to be terse and brief. And so, as the phone was getting ready to click off-- I mean, I could hear her voice saying, I'm through-- she didn't say that, but the tone was saying, I'm through.

And I say, you know, thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me , and it's going to be the weekend pretty soon. I really want you to have a great weekend. And she came back bumbling, and she said, why thank you. I look forward to that.

She wasn't expecting that. And in this process of honestly wanting people to have a good day or a good weekend, that is to really show the best of yourself, which allow other people to maybe find the best of themselves as well.

-Napoleon Hill, the Late, Great Success author, defines this as the mastermind, or he defines it as building a sustainable, mutually beneficial relationship, where it's sustainable-- where you can keep that relationship for 20 years.

-And sustainable-- just like nurturing, they go together-- because we use to sustain something-- you've got plans, you know what you have to do-- you phone call, you tweet, you text, you do whatever, you write letters, you visit-- but it's not something that's just going to happen, and no one does

anything.

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Featured Coaching Excerpt - Notes & Transcript, Part 2
  • Lesson Nugget: Sending a letter is abnormal now; instead of texting, try writing a letter. They will see you cared enough to sit down, take the time, and put thought into what you are saying.
  • Lesson Nugget: By physically writing down to-do items, you force yourself to acknowledge that action is required and you remove all excuses that keep you from achieving your goals.
  • Lesson Nugget: Taking the time to do little things like keeping your car clean will help you keep negative things from getting into your thoughts.
  • Lesson Nugget: Stopping to reflect on the things you are grateful for puts issues in perspective and helps you stay positive.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Now, some of the moves I've seen you do over the years, and I know you don't consider them to be moves. But I consider them to be moves. because I'm kind of a student of you. You do handwritten notes.

-Yeah.

-Nobody does handwritten notes, but you do. There is-- a lot of successful people do handwritten notes, but the general population doesn't do handwritten notes.

-My son, you know Marshall. Marshall's in LA and, obviously, he's trying to make his way in the world of film and television. And he's meeting a lot of people. And his first inclination is to text them a thank you note or email them a thank you note. And I said, Marshall, they invented something called paper, and an envelope, and a stamp. I said, right now, the world is overrun with texts, and tweets, and emails. I said, I mean, that's the norm now. That's the norm.

I said, a letter has become the abnormal. It's like, you mean someone literally thought enough of me to put their phone down, and actually turn a paper around, get a pen in hand, and actually think about the words you're going to say? That says a lot more than you think.

-I've noticed this year-- in the past five or six months-- I've probably received a dozen hand-written thank yous, and they've all come from Thrive mentors. And these are people of all different ages, but it's a success principle. They understand being memorable. They understand they're showing sincere appreciation.

I've also received a Cookiegram in the mail. One of the Thrive mentors sent a Cookiegram. It's just that the whole idea is you're trying to overdeliver and exceed the other person's expectations, right?

-And that's a good part of what I call the mortar that holds together the bricks of community, the building blocks of community. They are held together by our actions. And if those actions are honest, and sincere, and continuous, then the house stands.

-Now, our next principle is "Condition your mind to be positive each day." Now, condition, so example, I remember today like it was today, because it was. Today, I got up and I was going, well, it's 2 AM. I don't want to be up, but what I'm going to do is to have a big presentation today. I'm going to go ahead and check and double-check-- and again, a technology conundrum.

And this the 2 AM-- you know what I'm talking about. And you have a plane to catch, or something. 2 AM conundrum, and I'm saying, well, I'm taking a shower and going to work. And I just remember driving in my car.

And I have a certain music I listen to. I'm a huge positive music listen-- I listen to positive music. I try to listen to self-help while I'm driving in the car. I have kind of a whole system I go through to keep myself positive every day. Because I was not feeling positive at 2 AM when I discovered that some serious technological breaches were occurring.

What do you do to stay positive every day? Because you deal with adversity, brother. I know you do.

-A lot. And this was a good day. I mean, this was a great day for me. But it was also a day that could have had a lot of challenges for me and people I cared about. So when I got up this morning, I got up literally around 3:30 this morning.

CLAY CLARK: You should've called me.

-And I went in the den, and I sat in the den. And I literally started reflecting on how thankful I was for the life that I had, for my family. And how realizing that no matter what the problem that I was dealing with, that they paled in the face of the goodness that surrounded me.

And sometimes you have to make yourself move into that mode. And it doesn't matter how big the goodness is or how small it is. I tell people, be thankful for the smallest thing and watch it grow.

-So you start with a point of thankfulness. And I would also say, you're very careful. And I think this is so big. There was a young man that we mentored a few years ago. And he was an employee, and he worked with me in a different company there. And I just remember when I flew out to go visit him, and I was always so excited to see his development.

And I hop in his car, and the environment that he created in this car was so negative in every way. His home environment was negative in every way. The shows he was watching were so negative in every way. He didn't realize it, but he was kind of polluting himself with the negativity bias. Do you do some things to intentionally weed out, like a garden, to weed out the negativity to stay positive every day?

-I clean my car out. I mean, I don't like trash. Because if I get in the car and it's trashy-- I mean, it's that way sometimes. But it also gives me the opportunity, because as I take these things out of the side pockets, and i take these things out of the glove compartment that don't belong there, all of a sudden, it seems like the car gets bigger, and I'm not crowded in.

Because all of this negativity, it has to have a seat. And it wants your seat, if you let it. So it crowds in. And when it crowds in, guess what it crowds out? The possibility.

Featured Coaching Excerpt - Notes & Transcript, Part 3
  • Ask Yourself: Are the things you're saying to yourself positive or negative?
  • Lesson Nugget: Win where you are. Decide to succeed regardless of your current location.
  • Steps to Take Action on Your Plan: 1. Make sure the plan you have is the plan you want.
  • Steps to Take Action on Your Plan: 2. Determine what it will take from you and others to actualize that plan.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Do you ever have to tell people-- have you ever had to tell someone in your life, in some way or another, and you say, hey, you're being negative and I need you to stop that. Or I can't really-- I mean, have you ever had to like weed out a relationship, maybe somebody watching this has a relationship that's negative, have you ever had to deal with that?

-I've had to deal with it, but how I dealt with it, I didn't really confront it on the day that it happened. Because usually when a person is negative on some level, there's something that's pushing that. And so I waited a couple days later, and said everything was fine.

I said, you remember the other day, when we were together? I said, I know you were telling the truth, but you had bought into that reality of nothing good was going to ever happen to you. I said, you were telling your very internal soul that you had lost it. I said, let somebody else tell your soul, don't you tell your soul that. And he laughed, and then that helped him at that moment to understand, talk to yourself, well, why not say good things to yourself?

-Now this next principle is resolve in advance that you will persist until you succeed, that you will never give up. Now again, that you will persist until you succeed, not if you succeed, but until you succeed. Talk to me about how you've done that throughout your career.

-Well, I'll go back to Glen Allan and I'll go back to the cotton fields. Because that's where I first determined that I wanted to be successful, and at some point, going from there to St. Louis, from the dish room to the bank, then to the military. And in the military, as a young man, that's when you have the opportunity to do everything that your parents tell you not to do. And you've got about 25 or 30 guys--

CLAY CLARK: Uh oh.

[CLAPPING]

- --let's do it, OK. But I've already gravitated toward this idea that I want to be successful, so which means, wherever I am-- I am not going to be in the military but for four years. So of course, if you're going to be there for four years, Clifton, just have a great time. No, no, no, no, no, no. If I'm going to be there for four years, my philosophy is first and foremost, always focus on winning where you are.

-Hmm. Win where you are.

-Win where you are.

-That leads us into our next principle, take action on your plan, do something every day to move toward your goal. Now here's the thing, I've discovered this in our culture, any culture really, but on the planet Earth, it seems like there's black and white. Either you're getting closer to your goal, or you're getting further away from your goal.

But most of us would like to say, well, you know I'm just, I don't know. I'm not really all in yet, I'm kind of beige, I'm sort of gray area, I'm sort of noncommittal. I'm not moving towards my goal, I'm not moving away from my goal, I'm just maintaining. Taking action on your plan-- I see you do it all the time-- but how do you do this? How do you take action on your plan to move toward your plan every day?

-Well, first of all, I make sure that the plan I have is a plan I want.

CLAY CLARK: OK.

-That's the first thing. Secondly, I look at what will it take from me, and of me, and from others, in order to actualize that plan. And once I began to get these types of things in place, then I began to ask other questions. OK, how many days a week will I have to devote to this, how much time will I have to put in to do this.

And so once I get that set up, I'll know, oh, so let's see, I got Monday through Friday, you got Monday through Sunday. And I have certain things that happen Monday through Friday, and of course I have a wife and family, so I have to really reduce Saturday and Sunday to other types of things. But I really try to write-- again that word write-- I really try to write things down, and sometimes I put like little notes-- OK, I'll time it, do this by Thursday. Make sure this is done by Thursday.

-I struggle with the idea that if you take a glass of water and it's full, and you put a rock in it, or you try to add more water to it, it's going to overflow. And I really struggle with the idea that you have to take something out of your life, to put something in. So what I do-- and I always have to hold myself accountable to it-- is I'll have a young man that'll ask me to mentor him, and I'll say, absolutely. Did it today, in fact. So I'm spending time with somebody on the phone, trying to help them, but I have other things I have to do.

CLIFTON TAULBERT: Right.

-And so I think we all have to set those-- because I realize that helping this person today, although it helped them personally, the best way I can help them and other people would be to do something else. And so how do you as an entrepreneur, how do you go about starting to learn this concept of moving towards or further away from your goal? Is there any sort of-- is it just a daily diligence of writing down your plan, is that what you do, just a daily planning?

-I think everybody's personality will sort of guide them, but what guides that personality forward-- I mean, you know the stuff that you're made of. Because whether we like it or not, there's a DNA component that brings stuff from grandparents you've never met. And from aunts and uncles you will never see, that's all part of you. So you have to really have some sense of what's in you, and bring all of that to bear. So my commitment to getting things done might look different than yours.

-OK.

-You see what I'm saying? But I'm coming from a place that I'm not going to stop, I'm going to be persistent. But how I go about being persistent might be shaped by the world that shaped me.

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