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This episode is a business coaching course that compares the relationship and the sale.

Results-Focused Training, Tools, and Workshops from Expert Business Coaches.

Featured Coaching Excerpt - Notes & Transcript, Part 1
  • Lesson Nugget: Sales that are done without relationships are merely transactions, and won't help your business grow.
  • Notable Quotable: "A relationship is a direct connection between people in which value is exchanged."
  • Lesson Nugget: You and your customers may not consider the same thing to be valuable. Value is determined by the perceived value of the customer.
  • Ask Yourself: What is the net worth of my network?
  • Lesson Nugget: You must create problems or help the customer to see the problems that your company solves. (Ex: Jiffy Lube, "Want us to change your air filter? It looks pretty worn out.)


-Jim, how are you doing?

-I'm good. Thank you.

-Good. We're here again with Jim Cathcart, here. He's a world-renowned speaker, a best selling author. And the book that we have right in front of us, and that we're doing a deep dive in today is Relationship Selling. So if you don't have Relationship Selling, and you are selling something-- because everyone is-- you need to get this book.

The move we're talking about today is kind of comparing these two words. We want to know which is more important-- the relationship or the sale? And I know that I talk with Thrivers all around the world that either have an emphasis on one or the other, and they need this guidance, here. So I decided to do a deep dive into this.

-Thank you. Yeah if you go too deep on relationship, and you end up not making a sale, what you've got's a social friendship. Well, that's not what you're after. You want a business friendship. And if you just focus on selling, then you're going to end up with a transaction, but not necessarily the trust and support of the person. So the second call is going to be as hard, if not harder, than the first.




-So the two words together, that's the thing. It's not relationship selling. Its relationship-selling.

-This is going to be huge. This is going to be huge. You're going to explain to us how this actually works, and I'm excited to hear it.

-Thank you.

-So take it away.

-Think of what a relationship is. I've asked audiences this many times around the world, and I just simply ask them, tell me what a relationship is? They say, well, it's a connection between people. It's somebody you have contact with, it's someone that you know, and they know-- and they guess all around at general concepts.

Well, a relationship-- you know, there is a definition, but there's not a universally embraced definition. So I came up with my own. So how you like this one. Here's my definition of a relationship. A direct connection between people in which value is exchanged.

A direct connection between people. We don't have relationships with things. In which value is exchanged-- well, what's value? Value is what the other person considers worth having. OK?

So you say, well, no, wait a minute. I know my product has value, and delivers value, and this is valuable to the customer. Hey, if the customer doesn't feel like that's valuable, guess what? No value. Yeah, maybe technically, potentially there's value, but they've got to feel or think that this is going to be useful to them in order to perceive the value. And only when they perceive the value are they going to feel compelled to take some action to acquire it. OK?

So how do you do relationship selling? Is this be nice to people selling? No, of course not. That's silly. Yeah, I mean, yes, you should be nice to people, but that's not the way to make sales. The way you make sales is to be nice to people in the appropriate ways that solve their problem, and causes them to feel the urgency to act on those problems, to buy your product or acquire your services. Right? OK.

So if you think about relationship selling as a strategy for doing business, a way of thinking about doing business, then the first thing that comes to mind is a relationship is something worth having. A relationship is an actual asset.

Now, if you've got an asset or a group of assets, what you typically do in business is you keep numbers and track those assets. You take care of those assets. You make sure your assets are protected, right? Start thinking of your relationships as assets.

Featured Coaching Excerpt - Notes & Transcript, Part 2
  • Lesson Nugget: Sustainably valuable relationships are based upon mutually beneficial relationships.
  • Lesson Nugget: Exceed your customer's expectations. Make deposits in their love bank because you'll eventually screw up.
  • Lesson Nugget: If the customer is not willing to buy, you have not built enough value...regardless of what your marketing teacher taught you.


-The connection, you know-- if you think about a relationship, it goes through stages. So the lowest level be we recognize that each other exist, period. You know, I see you, you see me. That's not a relationship, that's the beginning of a context for one.

But then, we start exchanging conversation, we start exchanging information about each other. We start taking an interest in each other. We start sharing information that might be valuable.

This is turning from just an acknowledgement of our existence into an actual relationship. And a relationship, again, is a direct connection between people in which value of some sort is exchanged.

It could be value in that you take an interest in them, you make them feel good. It could be value that you reassure them and you alleviate some of their fears. It could you solve their problems. It could be your product fixes their need and saves them money, or time, or grief, or whatever that happens to be.

So there is value being exchanged but they've got to feel its value. It's not enough for you to just say OK, I know I have value they just don't get it yet. No, that is victim selling. You know, I mean, that's going out and imposing yourself on other people and that's no way to sell.

So take the attitude, I'm here to help and I want to help uncover your feelings about what you want, what you need, what you'd like to see happen. As I do that and I show you I am sincerely interested in you, then you become interested in me. Trust starts to grow. Ah.

Trust starts to grow, they open up and they tell you more, you can be more prescriptive in solving their problem. Pretty much leading directly to a sale. And once you confirm the sale, now then it's a business friendship.

So up to that point, it's either just an interaction between people or a social friendship. Once they commit to a purchase, now you've got a business friendship. And now they're an asset and you have an obligation to them to cause them to be continually satisfied that they chose to do business with you. That's how you build relationships as assets.

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