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This business coaching session helps entrepreneurs determine when to say no.

Results-Focused Training, Tools, and Workshops from Expert Business Coaches.

Featured Coaching Excerpt - Notes & Transcript, Part 1
  • Recommended Reading: Time Management Magic: How to Get More Done Every Day Move from Surviving to Thriving - Lee Cockerell
  • Action Step: Define your goals and what you want out of life and discuss them with your significant other.
  • Notable Quotable: "Contrary to the fanatical belief of its advocates, compromise [on basic principles] does not satisfy, but dissatisfies everybody; it does not lead to general fulfillment, but to general frustration; those who try to be all things to all men, end up by not being anything to anyone." - Ayn Rand (Bestselling author of "Atlas Shrugged" and "The Fountainhead"

-So what we have here is now we have this schedule, this beautiful schedule. At 8 o'clock, this is supposed to happen. And 11:00 to 2:00, this is supposed to happen. And 7:00, this is supposed to happen. 9:00, this is supposed to happen.

But what happens when you get confronted with people that don't revere the sanctity of your schedule? Whether it be husbands, wives, kids, neighbors, cousins, whatever. I'm going to tell you stuff that I do, and I hope I'm helping you. And then you can kind of draw your own conclusions here.

But the best time management book that I've ever, ever seen is Lee Cockerell's book. So before you go, make sure that I get that to you. Lee Cockerell, he's the guy who ran Walt Disney World. He just wrote a new book on time management. It's sick.

But I'm going to just walk you through this, and hopefully you can see it. My goal as a husband, I'm just telling you my view as a Judeo-Christian husband guy. Mine is I'm trying to be my number one fan of my wife. She wants to be the number one number one fan of me. This is what we're trying to do. And then we each have goals. We each have goals.

And will you look an Ayn Rand quote on compromise. Just Ayn, A-Y-N, Rand, R-A-N-D, compromise.

So this is the goals. My wife says-- So this is Clay, and this is Vanessa. My wife says I want a sectional. I don't know if anybody cares about a sectional, but, you know, it's that L-shaped couch thing. I don't even-- I didn't even know what that word was when we first got married, and I don't want one. I don't feel like it makes sense to buy one, and I don't get it.

She likes to also eat organic, everything's organic. She's really into organic. She's into sectionals. And she's got this list of things. She's really into spiritual stuff too. My wife just loves like praying for people, you know, seeking God's favor. I mean, that kind of thing. For me, I'm like, I don't know.

So for me as a grow my business, my goals, though, are to-- I love to help others thrive. I enjoy making money, because to me money equals points, and it's just a big game for me. And I love to laugh. My wife wants to talk about deep thoughts, and I hate deep-- I want to keep it shallow. So we have these different-- So what we have to do is I have to then declare to her and the universe, these are my goals.

So I'm just telling you this is how I do it, and I think anybody watching this or yourself, you'll be like sift through that and find your own, what works for you. But my wife's like, hey, babe, can I buy a sectional. And I'm just like, not until the kids stop pooping. You know, when they stop pooping on stuff, then I'll buy a nice sectional.

And then I bought it, and I felt no joy at all when I bought it, other than she was happy. So I'm like, yes, she's happy. But that's like a goal for me. That's a big goal for me.

Now she and I have talked. I don't talk deep. I will never have an in-depth conversation with someone about something that's not about actionable items. So if someone starts talking about spiritual stuff and the Holy Spirit and His plan for your life, and maybe why Hitler did that, and was it his upbringing, and how much is predestination, and all that, and I'm like black holes, chem trails, I don't care, who cares. And so I just won't talk about. So in our relationship, we've discovered-- We've arrived that I just do not go there. Other couples, they've arrived, they do have deep things.

So what we'll have to do is one, you and your significant other have to agree on your goals. And like get that out there. And I'm not a therapist or a psychiatrist or whatever, but I can tell you all the things not to do. And the worst thing you can do is not have the goals defined. And then each person is just clashing passively. So I would get that

down.

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Featured Coaching Excerpt - Notes & Transcript, Part 2
  • Lesson Nugget: If you are doing well and "overflowing", you will have more than enough to help other people and yourself.
  • Ask Yourself: What are areas in my life that I need to set boundaries for?
  • Lesson Nugget: Write down agreements with your significant other on how you will both help each other to accomplish your goals.
  • Lesson Nugget: Writing down your goals allows you to clearly recognize what activities will not help you achieve your goals and what you need to say"no" to.

[THEME SONG] -Now I'm going to tell you specific stuff that I do here and you might want, maybe, jot some of these down so you can deal with it here. But emails, I only look at them once per day. And when I had a business that required someone to check emails all the time, I had a guy, he's assigned to do it. To me, that's the first thing you do when you hire someone. Hey, your job is to check all the emails-- -OK. - --and then give me a summary of it every day at 8:00. 8:00 in the morning, tell me who I need to respond to. -Right. -That might be something. On my phone. For my business, someone always needs to answer my business phone but I don't answer my phone. I feel no need to answer my phone. So I just don't. I usually turn my phone off on for weekends. I just don't even answer it. So if somebody tries to call me, just boof! I don't even answer it. I'm just like nope. So I say nope on the phone. I say nope on the email. This is what I do. If I have people that are up on Facebook and they're sending me something, I just don't respond to that too. And if there's people who even walk into my office that ask me a question, I don't acknowledge the presence of humans. So I'll say humans, no. So if I'm working on something and I have to get it done. And someone walks in who's not on my schedule, I just don't respond at all. That's what I do and people have, sort of, learned over time. Like he really won't even acknowledge you. Because I have found-- and this is my theory and this is the part where, I think, you'll all seem less cruel-- this is my theory is that if I'm a cup of water and if I am overflowing-- I'm overflowing-- then I have enough to give to other people. But if I'm like half full, I might not have enough for me or you. So I'm all about overflowing. I would just set clear boundaries. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. I would just-- [SMACKS HANDS]. Make sense? -Yes. -So even though I love you, you love me, you're a great Americans, we're great Americans. If your husband calls, that probably elevated to a higher standard of answering that phone call then if I call. Because, maybe, you've established in your relationship that your goals are-- and you say, hey, honey. I'm going to answer the phone. If you call, I answer, boom. Anybody else, I won't. But I also need for you to be supportive so when I'm I'm shipping my orders, I need you to be like a force field and a barricade that keeps anybody from coming to my area. Why? Because I'm a freaking human and I have goals. Right? Now what do you need? Well, I need this. OK, great. When you're doing this, I'll do that, and you have those agreements. Write them down. Not like it's a legal agreement but it's an agreement, we've talked about it. So my wife says, hon-- I want to write a book. OK. When do you want to write a book? Well, I'm going to write it and it's probably going to take all day, every day on Saturdays. I'm like that's our day, baby. That's our day. That's the day of dates. She says but honey, this is a big goal of mine. I want to get it done. People ask me all the time about how Aubrey was healed. So I'm like, well, from 7:00 AM to 5:00 PM, I will watch the kids. Not forever, but for this Saturday because I care about your goals, let's do it. So it's important that you get your goals down. Anything that's not on your goal list, you just got to say no to it. WOMAN: Got it. -Saturday, my wife got asked by her mega fun friends hey, you guys want to come over, and hang out, and marinate, and we're going to-- And guess who didn't go? Me. Because it's not on my schedule. They're like your husband didn't go? No. What's he doing? He's in the bathtub, writing web pages. You know what I mean? I mean, we have to have those boundaries. You know what I'm saying? WOMAN: Yeah. -Family. I have family, we do family, they come over every-- My dad works with me and, at one point, my brother-in-law. And a lot of people, a lot of family members that worked for me at one point. One of my big goals was to hire my dad some day and so we hire him. But I love him and I want to be available 24/7 if I can. But you know what? I can't. And if I am available for him 24/7 then I won't be able to have my cup overflow. So now, every single Sunday, like clockwork from 5:00 to 7:00 PM, we grill. And we talk about meat, and sports and the Raiders, and we talked about the Patriots. And we're talking about baseball and the salaries, and the salaries are too high. Whatever. 5:00 to 7:00. I am not available 9:00 to 5:00 at work, I'm just not. -Right. -But I used to be. And so I'd be in an hour long conversation during the middle of the day about baseball. And then an hour long conversation about spiritual things. And then an hour-- Now I'm not. Now I've never been happier in my life. And I'm just very pigheaded about my schedule. -I like that.

Featured Coaching Excerpt - Notes & Transcript, Part 3
  • Lesson Nugget: Do whatever you need to do to be focused on the task at hand and mitigate distractions.
  • Action Step: Determine the people or things that take priority during the work day.
  • Editor's Note: Ayn Rand had two bestselling novels, "The Fountainhead" and "Atlas Shrugged" and is recognized for developing the philosophical system called Objectivism.
  • Action Step: Build a schedule that works for you.

[MUSIC PLAYING] -It's obvious you need other examples to help you. You're here. You traveled all the way from Las Vegas to be here. I wouldn't dare make a phone call while you're here. My phone's in airplane mode. I wouldn't even-- Now when I'm not with you, I will be on the phone all the time, right up until I see my kids, phones off again. I don't feel bad either. I don't feel bad. I do not feel bad. So let's just for a second-- we're going to make this real for a second. I'm going to turn this on. And we're just going to see how many times I would feel-- because I don't feel bad. But yet, these messages will just flow in-- flow in. So we'll see if it starts activating. But like, there's probably 20 people who are trying to reach me right now. But I do not feel bad because I'm with you. -Thank you. -You know what I'm saying though? But the thing is is that we're-- yeah, here we go. People on the Facebook are commenting. And you got the text messages. And so you got-- let's just see real quick. So we've got a total of 49 unread emails since this morning-- 49 e-mails. And I've got 14 Facebook updates, got the 10 text messages. Let's see if we get to 16, 18. Here they come, 19. Keep her going baby, 20. And they're all urgent. 21, 22. Let's get some more-- 23. And this is just like one-- this has been like since 7:00. -Over under 30, what do you think? -Over. -So you got 14 Facebooks. You got 43 text messages and 49 emails. -Have of those are me though, so-- -Oh, no wonder. -But I guess what I'm saying is with 23 text messages and 14 Facebooks and 49 emails in the last four hours, it would be impossible to ever get anything done if I cared at all about what anybody thinks outside of my wife. And if that's me, what I'm going to do is I'm going to through go through and be like, did my mega hot wife text me? And I'd be like, is there a photo? But if my wife will text me, I'm going to be like, I'll call her. Hey babe, what's up? And the other 22 don't get answered. But I'm looking like, is it my wife? So I know a lot of business owners that put a ring tone so that if their spouse calls, they know, that's my spouse. Some people have it where they have when the phone rings, you see the photo pop up on the screen and you know, whatever you want to do. But if David Robinson calls, I'm going to answer that phone. Why? He's David Robinson. You know what I mean? So just find that boundary. But does that help you? Do you feel like-- -It really does. It really, really does. And I like to, with pointing out incorporating and defining the proactive and reactive. And I feel like in your schedule, you balanced it with making sure that you had both proactive and reactive things in there. -Go to my Tuesday on the calendar real quick. We'll go to Tuesday. Here's this quote though, Ayn Rand. Let's see if she has it up here. There can be compromise on moral issues. There can be no compromise-- OK. Ayn Rand she wrote The Fountainhead. She wrote Atlas Shrugged. But her whole thing is she talks a lot about compromise. And she believes that when people try to compromise that both parties lose as a general rule. So she'd rather come up with a situation where you win and I win. So she might make a list of what do you want to do today, what do I want to do today? Let's each decide on two things we can do today that we want to do as opposed to us agreeing on a mutually quasi-interesting activity that we do that neither one of us wants to do. So you want to see a comedy. I want to see an intense movie. And so we compromise on sort of a comedic intense movie and both of us leave unhappy. But go up and pull up my calendar one more time. I just want to pull it up real quick here. OK, so look at my calendar for Tuesday. Tuesdays are always my favorite day. I'll tell you why. Because I've scheduled time to think on Tuesday more so than other days. So Tuesday, I do farmer's training. So I get up there at 4:00, do my planning. And at farmers, I have nothing to do-- oh man-- until 10:30. So I'm able to call people, plan stuff, look at my-- I have so many proactive activities. I'm proactive from 6 AM until 10:30. It's awesome. And then-- or until my farmers at 8:30-- but when I'm training people, I'm reactive at that point. But then look, 2:30 to 4:30 I'm Thriving. Love it, just me planning stuff. But if you look on here, it says here we're meeting with a guy, John Cunningham. Oh he's a Thriver. There he is, John Cunningham. So [INAUDIBLE]. I don't know what he wants. But I had the ability to meet with him because I blocked off time to be free. But just build a schedule that works for you.

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